Much Cleverer
by LIONKATE
Summary: Donna meant what she said and she was willing to fight for it, even if it meant spoilers. Implied Donna/Doctor.


Spoilers for EoT and all of Series 4. AU in that we keep our lovely 10th Doctor.

* * *

She hadn't been able to help herself. Donna hadn't meant to snoop, really, but she wasn't a fool and she knew there was a reason River Song had looked at her the way she had and hadn't really recognized her. Donna had meant it when she'd told Martha she planned on traveling with him forever, or as long as her forever could be. She had turned him down at first, echoing his disapproval of "spoilers", but then he'd run back and realized that his future self had plotted for his past self and a thought struck her.

The TARDIS had been obliging to her and she'd been surprised to find a safe of sorts tucked under her bed when she meant to hide the journal, the key to which she kept tucked into her blouse on a chain beside the key to the TARDIS. She'd spent the rest of the day smiling fondly at the ship and occasionally stroking the console when she thought the Doctor wasn't looking. He was, of course, looking and couldn't help but smile fondly, if not confusedly, at her when she wasn't looking. She caught him once and it only helped encourage the feelings of guilt that she'd tried to keep down since she'd tucked the diary into her pocket.

She wondered if reading the diary would change anything. If she read the it would it change what was written in the diary? Or would it just make the diary mean nothing? Or worse, would reading it lead to her causing whatever she was trying to stop? Maybe, she thought, maybe her fate and River Song's experiences were one of those things that were in flux in time and could easily be changed by any little thing. But what if knowing her fate did nothing at all and she just had to live with it? If she changed the future would it mean the Doctor would never meet River and she would never write the diary and couldn't save them at the library so again the diary was never written and nothing had happened and she hadn't been able to change anything and-

She stopped. Donna was not, and would never be, a time lord and she wouldn't know what her actions would lead to until it happened. And she wasn't going to just take it on the chin.

The super-temp that she was, she only scanned the book for mentions of her. Even though the curiosity was gnawing at her she would not read anything about the Doctor's relationship with River if she could help it. She told herself it wasn't right and that she was doing enough just by reading about herself, but part of her knew she just couldn't stand to read it. It was hard enough to read what was written about her. But Donna Noble was more clever than she was often given credit for.

* * *

The first package arrived two weeks before the wedding. It was a simple cardboard box, though it when she shook it it sounded much harder than she expected, and stamped with words she couldn't quite understand. Her grandfather tried to convince her it was for him, but she could read her name written in bold blue marker right at the top of it and she'd have none of that. Later on her mother would give her a similar look and she'd mark it down to them both being barmy.

Inside she found just a few of the many things that had gone missing from her room. Her mother tried, time and time again, to convince her that she had donated all those little articles and nick-nacks to charity, but she could hardly believe that she'd given away all her favorite things. And who would want second-hand lipsticks? A purple blouse, a fuchsia sweater, a belt, and a tie. The tie, she realized after searching the box for a return address, was not hers. Donna hadn't worn a tie since she'd graduated and certainly never a blue one with white stripes. Still, she found herself crying over it and not really knowing why.

_"Donna! Have you seen my tie? Come on, you know the one; the blue one."_

_ "The one you never wear?"_

_ "That's it."_

When Shaun came into her room she jumped and tossed it into her bag, forgetting about it while she tried to explain why she'd been crying. She never bothered to take it out.

* * *

The next package arrived with one week to the wedding while she was drowning in finalizing reception plans and finishing her dictations for work. Shaun brought it in when he came to pick her up for lunch and found himself waiting an hour and a half before Wilf managed to talk her out of her room.

This box had one of her lipsticks, her favorite mauve tinted one, a teal blouse, and a pair of brown leather boots. And a globe decorated in what she could only assume were constellations. Later that night she borrowed one of her grandfather's astronomy books and tried to find each of them with no success. But while Shaun waited downstairs to take her to lunch she sat on her bedroom floor and turned it over and over in her hands, relishing the feel of the cool glass. Each little constellation had something written beside it but she couldn't make out the words or even the letters.

She set it down on her desk as a paperweight and ignored, yet again, the looks her mother and grandfather gave her.

_"D'you like it? That's the Merphisos constellation right there. And this star isn't even a star, it's a planet. Nice place, we should visit."_

_ "Oh yeah, we'll go visit the nice ol' planet and end up in the middle of a civil war."_

_ "Oh, now, you're exaggerating."_

_ "Sure I am, Spaceman."_

_

* * *

  
_

Shaun was a great guy, she knew it. Her wedding had been exactly what she'd always wished for and the holiday they spent together in Italy was marvelous by any honeymoon's standards. So, she couldn't understand why she kept waiting for something to happen or why she'd refused to wear any of the fancy heels she'd brought with her. Shaun jokingly commented that she always seemed like she was prepping herself for a run.

They visited her house the moment they got back in London and she found two packages waiting for her. Two packages guarded by her grandfather while her mother glared at him and the offending mail. Sometimes Donna swore they were either going insane or part of some large conspiracy. Without a second thought she left Shaun downstairs and balanced both boxes up the stairs and into her room. Again, she sat on the floor and ran her fingers over the strange stamp on the box before unpacking.

A dress, her favorite coat, a hat, and a pair of jeans all came out before she hit the end of the box and stared curiously at the deep purple Converse at the bottom. They were her size and when she slipped off her boot she found they seemed to be broken in already. She couldn't remember ever having owned such a pair of shoes, but then she couldn't remember a massive chunk of her life, or why a tie had made her cry, or why she kept dreaming of messy brown hair. She kept them on as she unpacked the second box.

There were more little things in the second box including a smaller box full of her eye shadows, a perfume bottle that was nearly empty, her hair brush, and a scarf. This time there were two things she didn't recognize at the bottom. She stared at the gold stitching on the black flapper dress and felt like crying again as she slid it on (an odd combo with the purple Converse). The second was a copy of _Death in the Clouds_ by Agatha Christie.

When Shaun came upstairs he tried to play off how confused he was to find her dressed for the '20s with purple shoes. He turned the book over and over in his hands before asking her if it was some sort of gag book. She, for once, got the honor of looking at him like he was mad when he told her none of the words made sense. When she took it from him she found he was right and the words weren't in English at all. No matter how much she tried she couldn't recognize the letters and words again.

The next day she bought a copy in English and read it over three times but still couldn't make sense of the other copy. She wore the Converse and was compelled to run home from the shop for no apparent reason. She was laughing so hard she nearly cried by the time she got home. She couldn't explain why to Shaun when he asked.

_"Shock! Shock! I need a shock!"_

_"Alright, big shock, coming up."_

_

* * *

  
_

For a week straight she dreamt of nothing but herself in a wedding dress, running down the streets of London, and a brown pin-stripe suit. By the end of the week she was so frustrated with it all she woke up crying. Shaun had done his best to comfort her but it was really rather useless.

When he left for work she sat at her desk and stared at the lottery ticket she knew was a winner. She couldn't figure out why she hadn't already cashed it in and happily told her boss to "shove his head just a little bit farther up his ass". Finally she decided she would tell Shaun when he got home and tucked it away in her bag, right next to the tie she had no intention of taking out, and left to visit her grandfather. Donna knew herself well enough to realize, however, that her grandfather wasn't the only reason for the visit and that a package was really what she was after.

Wilf had insisted on being with her when she opened the latest parcel and she had insisted otherwise until she'd been forced to lock the door of what was still her room. Most of the space was taken up by her hulking parka and the only other thing was an ID card for Andipose Industries with her face on it. Now, she was fairly certain she'd never worked for such a company or even heard of it, but there was her face and a later internet search revealed article upon article and a multitude of videos of little white, and kind of cute, bits of fat roaming the streets.

While Shaun slept that night she sat in the living room and fought off the killer headache that had been beating a steady rhythm into her head.

_ "Off we go then."_

_ "Here it is; the TARDIS. It's bigger on the inside than it is on the outsi-"_

_ "Oh, I know all that bit."_

_

* * *

  
_

She'd forgotten all about the lottery ticket in her bag with the last package and only found it again when she reached into her bag and felt the silk tie, a habit she had gotten into when she was feeling stressed. The ticket glared back at her in her little cubicle but she couldn't bring herself to cash it in. She knew, god she knew, that having all that money between them was just another thing that would tie her to Shaun and right now she wasn't whether she was coming or going.

Her dreams were coming together but with them came the constant pounding behind her eyes. She wouldn't have traded the blurry images in her head for all the relief in the world. Especially not the slowly building image of a face to go with the brown suit.

There were words that, unbidden, flew through her head and their meaning remained just out of reach, just on the tip of her tongue. _TARDIS, Ood, Gallifrey, Racnoss... _They were right there and it made her want to cry that she couldn't put them together. She had barely locked the door behind her when searing white pain flashed through her head. She was crying before she knew it and she struggled to put even two thoughts together.

_Mom... gramps... TARDIS... need to... hospital... doctor... Doctor! _

The room swam and she only had a moment to tug the tie from her bag before she collapsed by the front door. When Shaun came home he found her still there, sprawled on the floor, a strange tie clutched to her chest, tears all down her face, and a half smile.

_"Donna... Donna Noble, I am so sorry. But, we had the best of times. The best. Goodbye." _

_ "No. No. No please. Please no. No!"_

_

* * *

  
_

It was the cowards way out, she knew that, but she didn't have time to do it any other way. The letter was brief but she'd tried to explain as best she could and spare his feelings, but there was only so much a letter could do. She hoped the lottery ticket attached to it would help a little. And she trusted that her grandfather would explain what the letter couldn't.

She didn't have time to lose as she threw all the previous packages into a leather duffel, the purple Converse squeaking occasionally on the laminate wood floors of their flat- Shaun's flat, now. The torn page on her desk made her stop again and she look at it for a long while before folding it and tucking it into her coat pocket. The other note sat on a torn envelope with the same stamp that had appeared so foreign to her before. She took this one in her hands and the duffel in the other before running out of the flat, building, and down the street.

She loved it, the running, but she was almost certain she'd never been so afraid of being late in her life. She would beat herself with a stick if she missed her own date and perhaps the only chance she had to be really happy again.

And there it was, the blue box. The doors seemed to open ahead of her and she was crying when she stepped into her favorite place in all the worlds. She had to stop herself from sobbing with relief or happiness or any combination of the wild feelings in here when she spotted the messy head of brown hair turned away from her tinkering with the console.

"Oh, come on now! Why'd you stop here? This isn't even the right galaxy, or time! There's nothing even wrong with you, you're just being stubborn."

"Or maybe you're exactly where you're supposed to be."

He froze but she could hear the TARDIS practically purring with pride and contentment. She took a careful step forward and bit her lip, clutching the note with the time and location of the TARDIS tightly in her fist. He seemed almost afraid to turn.

"How?"

"I might have read a few spoilers. I'm sorry"

She'd barely gotten the words out before he crashed into her and she finally had her skinny spaceman back. She clung to him like she was drowning and he was her bit of driftwood. He was saying something, mumbling it into her hair, but she couldn't make out what. It didn't matter.

"Calm down, Spaceman, I'm here and that's how I plan on keeping it."

_"He talks about her from time to time and I don't even think he realizes it. It makes sense, considering what happened and how he lost her. He could visit all his other companions and he knew Rose was happy. But, Donna Noble, nothing was the same with her. Sometimes I wonder, with the way he talks about her. Then again, she was, as he's told me a few times now, 'brilliant; the most important woman in the whole of creation'."_


End file.
